I think about the future and the past. Trying to stay in the present moment is often decidedly difficult for me. I anticipate, remember, cringe, worry... I sometimes am able to repeat a phrase I've read, "What is wrong in THIS moment?" and it is usually nothing. But, staying in that place is a challenge. I hope to be there more in the New Year.

I'm not angry very often, so I would say that sadness hits me the most deeply. I have been very private emotionally most of my life. I don't like to cry in front of other people, and was told throughout most of my childhood that "crying is not going to change anything."  So, when I am sad, or grieving a loss, it is difficult for me to understand and I often feel like I should just get through it and move on to bigger and better things. Since my divorce however, I am feeling more and more comfortable expressing my emotions to others, and having it be OK.

I may have "smaller" values that allow for a little sway, but a few "larger" ones never change. Always treat anyone you meet with respect. If you have the choice to make a positive impact in someone's life, the world, do it. Education and learning are extremely important. Music and the arts are necessary to life. Courtesy and manners go a long way, use them as much as you can. Laughter and humor are some of the greatest gifts to give or receive. I am sure my life would be much different with different values, but the above aren't likely to change any time soon.

From coupledom to singlehood. From the time I was fourteen I have always been part of a long term relationship with a partner of one sort of another. Then, three weeks ago, life changed, and I became single, independent, and on my own for the first time. I have my family and friends for support, which i am deeply grateful for. But, now when I come home, I say hello to my apartment, and not to a live being. I've already learned so much about myself. I've learned what makes me happy...and frustrated. I've learned how to support myself in a career I enjoy. I will continue to transition.

Although I already have a general idea of my goals, I would like to take the opportunity now to be very specific setting dates and measurable results. I want to focus on 3 specfic goals. 1)This month I want to increase the number of massages I do to at least 10 per week. To accomplish this I will post new local advertisements and work with a PR/ Publicity specialist by barter. 2) I will begin more concentrated weight loss efforts. I will log in 1500 calories per day and continue my current daily exercise. My goal for the end of August is to reach 120 pounds. 3) I want to reach district manager in Arbonne by the end of the month. I will place five phone calls per week to schedule parties and order products. I think those are some excellent goals for me which will help me to be more confident with myself both physically and financially.

I am learning how to really live on my own. I have always considered myself independent, but have been in a long term relationship with one person or another since I was 14 years old. Now, I am learning that I have a lot of time to figure out what I really want to do, and how I want to spend my days. I have already finished books I put on hold, started learning languages that interest me, gone on interviews, and gotten many projects accomplished. I hope to keep growing in knowledge of myslef each day and continually work toward my personal happiness.

I made it through the day productively, and not crying. I am becoming stronger being on my own, and no longer part of a marriage. I got things accomplished, hung out with family and old friends, and overall had a very nice Thursday. I hope to continue to grow and be strong each day in the future.

Excited. Grateful. Content.

Security means having the necessary means to support myself and my family all the time. Financially, emotionally, spiritually and on my own terms, not defined by anyone else.

I would like to learn more languages. I would first improve my skills speaking French.  I would also like to learn Italian and Czech, as both heritages are part of my family. I think more Americans should be fluent in other languages, especially myself!